I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
