The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize