I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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