shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
