final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
