I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
