I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
