there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
