Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
