I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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