dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
