Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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