im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
