yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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