I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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