He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
