I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
