yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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