so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
