I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
