i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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