listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
