we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
