This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
