So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bring me that man meat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
