I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
