Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
