So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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