Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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