tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
