May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
