That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
