Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this hospital has no fireball
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
