3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
