i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
