Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
