So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
