Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize