drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
