he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i now understand why vodka
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
