I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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