I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
