You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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