i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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