Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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