were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
