woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize