Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
