Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
