why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
