The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
