i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
