i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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