I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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