Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
