I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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