New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
