erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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