I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
