Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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