she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
