woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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