Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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