It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
