Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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