this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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