I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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