he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
